I need non judgmental advice more than I ever have before
I've been dating my wonderful boyfriend for two years now. He is one of the best guys I know, he cares and loves for me SO much it's incredible. We have a pretty steady relationship, we're long distance for most of the year, but we're currently home for the summer together. Lately, I've been having these unsure feelings about the relationship and I'm confused because nothing has gone wrong - there hasn't been a big fight or argument, in fact we just celebrated our two years so things have been going pretty good. I guess I have been thinking a lot about the future and how we're going onto year three of this relationship and it's scaring me because he's all I've ever known. I started dating him when I was 17, I'm now 20. He was my first everything and I feel guilty for even having these unsure feelings. There is also another guy in the picture. I have never cheated, nor do I ever plan to, but this guy has basically been my shoulder these past two weeks. We've been talking non stop and I don't know if it's the fact that I just like the attention or I actually have feelings for him, but I feel so guilty for feeling like this. I told my boyfriend on Monday that I need a break just from talking and stuff just to clear my mind, but he doesn't really know what's going on and I don't know what to tell him either. I'm so confused because in all honesty I can see myself marrying this kid, but on the other hand I'm thinking how could I be pursuing another guy if I loved my boyfriend so much?
wah. It's been a constant internal battle these last two weeks.
Anyone have advice/help?
Since i dont know you personally, i'm just going to TRY and tell you what i think i would do if i was in your exact situation...
One of my best friends has been with her bf for 3 yrs, and he was her first and only everythingg too (she's 21 now). Honestly, she's also gone through the whole "he's all i've ever known.... never experienced anything/anyone else" thing, although she's never had another guy in her life (and never done the long distance thing). SO, i'd say having some of those thoughts really isnt terrible at all. I've been with my bf for over a year and i feel like we're pretty serious and I've also wondered if this is gonna be it and if i'll be okay being with him for the rest of my life. THAT'S DEFINITELY NOT A BIG DEAL, DONT STRESS ABOUT IT.
In regards to the other boy... i always live by "if my bf did the exact same thing would i be upset?" and if the answer is ever YES then i have to think long and hard about stuff. I honestly have zero interest in other guys. Compared to the mega flirt i used to be, it's like i cant even SEE other guys. If you're feeling guilty about hanging out with the other guy then i'd say you should probably stop (or at least lessen it). And if you cant do that then maybe there's something more that you need to figure out. It definitely seems like you love your bf a lot. And i think maybe it could be that you're freaking yourself out because things have been going so well with you two? But really only you can really figure it out..
I can tell you though that a different friend of mine broke up with her bf of EIGHT years about 6 months ago. It was a mutual thing, and im pretty sure it was just because they're getting older and realising that they had only ever known what it was like to be together. And i think they resented each other for it. It was terrible in the first 3 months. Lots of crying and jealousy and sleeping with other people. It as bad. But they still loved each other and wanted to know about each others lives and stuff, and slowly they started talking and hanging out again. Pretty sure they're gonna get back together. And i think the break was exactly what they needed.
I feel like i blabbered. Although i also feel like i just want to respond to you cause it's always nice to have other opinions for comparison. But ANYWAYS, i think no matter what happens it'll all be okay as long as you do what you think will make you happiest. If youre happiest together then stay together. If youre not happy in your relationship get out (that's what my friends did). And even if you break up, you can always get back together and probably be a stronger couple for it. And if you dont get back together then you probably werent meant to be and you can be happy knowing you had a great time but it wasnt right, and then be excited to find what IS right.
I hope i made sense lol.